Here we go! From pre-draft build-up to mid-draft mania to post-draft mockery, check out the comments for user analysis, and keep up with all of the draft fashion with guest-blogging expert Head Chick in Charge from Leave The Man Alone. With the next pick...
12:08 Good lord, this thing is finally over. But if Tirico can do it, I can do it. Remember, Mike. It's EEE. Not YEE.
Clearly, Joakim wins for "Most Creative" ("Worst" seems too harsh). I had even money that Noah's hair wouldn't fit under his hat. But Stern thinks of every thing. Damn you, commissioner. Damn you.
I am disappointed that ESPN didn't show more of Noah's family from the Cameroon. Noah foretold that they would be dressed to the nines. I was amped for some dashiki action.
And I am still adamant that Noah should have treated himself to a Dominican press and curl. Why waste a trip to New York?
All in all, Joakim was crispy at 7:00. At 8:30, he was a crispy mess. Without Bumble & Bumble conditioner, his 'do didn't hold. And seersucker wrinkles easily, as we southerners know.
Best hoochie dress in entourage goes to the Italian.
And my best dressed. Stern doesn't like hip-hop, but the "Wipe Me Down" award goes to...
The white on black was inspired. He looked different from everyone else. His suit fit great. His choices were original. Everything was perfect. Bold choices are rewarded. I wasn't expecting this. Young came out of nowhere.
It hurts my heart not to give the Wipe me Down honors to Al Horford. He looked great too. But he was fine from the start. So he was cheating. He was the George Clooney of the draft. But it wasn't enough.
Brandan Wright was also in the running. He was the only one to sport a vest. The grayish brown purple thing worked and he still looked great when he appeared on camera an hour after he was picked.
So, thank you, Dan. And, thank you, readers of Dan for indulging me. Let the spirit of Michael Irvin's tie knots be with you.
11:59 Who is this Grek guy keeping me up all night?! Even Spike Lee has gotten a designated drived and headed home. The Greek is called Giorgos Prentizis. He wears a white blazer with a lavender tee shirt and dark pants. Miami Vice reruns are in full effect in Greece.
11:26 Every time Adam Silver appears on screen, his ears appear to get bigger and bigger. He's clearly excited to be at the draft.
11:21 Oooooh. Much better shot of Brandan Wright. His shirt has a pucker texture. Very interesting. And his suit has a nice shadow stripe. And he's still wearing the vest. He was the only vest of the night.
11:10 Some are speculating that Spike Lee was toasty at the draft. Why else was he hollering "Zeek knows how to pick players in the draft!!!!?" But maybe it was Lisa Salters camisole glimpse. A few buttons had been undone. I think Spike was just nervous.
10:54 Adam Silver is the new deputy NBA Commissioner. He has no standard issue so I'll tell u what he's wearing. He's wearing a dark suit with a light orange tie and shirt. He looks narrow. He reminds me of a sewing needle. He was greeted by the crowd with chants of, "We want Russ!"
10:50 Gabe Pruitt, up all night. Gabe is wearing a mustard colored suit and striped tie. I think it has some pink in it. Looks fine. Nothing special. I guess Stuart Scott and his cufflinks have exited for the evening. No interview for Gabe.
10:37 The Finnish are crunk! Petteri Kobonen went very basic. Black suit. Blue tie. No flair. But lots of enthusiasm in his handshake though.
Fraschilla's hair is back. It's clearly wilted under Bucher's pressure.
10:32 Is Dickie V crying? What's that glistening on his cheek? Why was he the only analyst that didn't have to wear a jacket? ESPN the Shirt is not proper attire for the draft.
10:20 Aaron Afflalo is still here! He's got on a medium gray suit with a Black shirt. Black and gray tie. Sorry, but I think his momma bought him that tie from the flea market. He's going to have to do better, but he looks okay.
10:05 Let me take this moment in garbage time to compliment Mark Jackson. I shouldn't penalize Mark just because everybody at the desk wore dark colors. Mark has on a very nice navy blue suit with lavender pinstripes. He's got on a lavender satin tie and lavender pocket square. He's wearing nice wide lapels. The pinstripes show up boldly on the tv screen. The fit is expert. He "pops" everytime he comes on the screen. He's clearly the best dressed male analyst. Take that, Bucher! And Stephen A has got to stop with the jackets that are too big for him. Kenny Smith learned this lesson. SAS has got to learn too.
Lisa Salters is the best dressed female analyst. Lisa is clearly inspired by basketball season. Really, she's looked great all year. She tried to do something different with the gold jacket. At least she wasn't wearing paisley and pinstripes like everybody else. Although she didn't have much competition as far as females go. Rachel Nichols coasts on her raven locks far too much as an accessory.
9:53 Wilson Chandler makes the long walk from the audience in a pin striped suit with a striped look. Very straightforward look. Nothing special.
Spike Lee likes the pick. And he also finds Stuart Scott to be humorous. Clearly, he is one of us.
9:51 Spike Lee gives Isiah Thomas the vote of confidence.
Salters gold jacket looks better in different light. Plus she's giving you a little sex appeal with the camisole glimpse. And I say Lisa wins best hair so far. Take that Bucher.
Wait a minute... Stevie Franchise gets to play with Oden. Does this matter?
9:42 I think Ric Bucher believes he has better hair than Fran Fraschilla.
9:38 Jim Gray broke Kupchak! He answered "No" when asked whether anyone on the team was untouchable. Right after he said they agreed to keep discussions with Kobe private. Loose lips sink ships. See you in the parking lot tomorrow, 24.
9:31 SAS does a Dickie V impression while debating Dickie V. Am I drunk?
9:28 While someone yells incessantly...
DP said "Joakim Noah's attire, brought to you by Tom Wolfe"
Brian says "Zach Randolph + NYC > Pac-Man Jones + Strip Clubs"
9:25 Marco Belinelli just made his presence known. Black suit on black tie on black shirt. Reeks of cockiness.
He has a girl wearing a hoochie dress in his row. He didn't even need a table to pull her. He kissed her and smacked her on the ass. 3rd hoochie. 1st ass smack of the night. We'll see how this trend develops.
9:14 First. Time. Ever. Knick fans happy. The Knicks have traded for Zach Randolph (and others). Have fun on the left coast, Stevie Franchise.
9:12 Nick Young is wearing white on black. A nod to Gilbrt? Gilbert wore this color combo at his birthday party. Nick is wearing our first sportcoat of the night. He is wearing a white jacket with black pants. Very light gray shirt. Black and white striped tie. Black pocket square. His look is like no one elses. Everything fits great. He looks extremely dapper.
And he had a girl in a hoochie dress at his table. 2 hoochies tonight so far.
9:06 Rodney Thornton is modelling a cream on white ensemble. Cream suit with cream tie and white shirt. Everything fits well. He's no Al Horford, but he looks good. He learned a few things at Eastern Washington.
9:00 Al Thortnon has on a muddy brown suit. Yellow shirt with an oranged striped shirt. Orange pocket square. This definitely reminds me of Kevin Durant's ensemble. Did any of these guys coordinate before they left for the club?
Thornton's mom slightly rejuvenates the white trend. She has a white dress/jacket ensemble on.
8:54 Julian Wright sports yet another texture on pinstripe combo. Julian has on a light gray satiny suit with subtle pinstripes. His tie is some weird tapestry/jacquard looking pattern. It looks like something with a medieval influence. Looks good, not great.
-1 for letting Stuart do his Stephen A impression again.
8:50 Speaking of haircuts, Billy Knight has an unwieldy afro and needs to join Brewer and Stephen. Maybe they can get a group discount.
8:46 Thaddeus Young is the first no show of the night.
Corey Brewer and Stephen A apparently have the same barber. They both might want to consider getting a barber under the age of 65. Go shorter, Stephen. You are pretty. Believe in yourself.
8:38 Another sad sonofabitch drafted to the Hawks. And another paisley on pinstripes combination. Acie Law wears a gray pinstriped suit, lavender shirt and paisley tie. This look is so five picks ago.
Still, I'm sorry Acie that you have to play for Atlanta.
Acie did have the first hoochie of the night at his table (unless you count Joakim's mom, MILF #1). There was not a tight shot of her and no indication of her relationship to Acie. But she had on a very, very short dress. But I would too if I was sitting in a room full of millionaires.
8:32 Spencer Hawes sports a classic look and actually looks good. Dark blue suit. Blue shirt with white collar. White pocket square. White striped tie. Needs a little more Michael Irvin in that tie knot though.
8:26 Good God! Is that Joakim Noah's music?! Joakim is clearly the fashion risk taker of the night. Is he crispy or a crispy fried mess?
Joakim is wearing a brown and white seersucker suit. The lapel has brown trim. I was hoping for Snoop like spiral curls. But Joakim sported soft waves. It looked good at 7:30. Now he looks like a light skinned Homey the Clown. And he has on huge brown shoes to complete the clown look.
And did I mention the paisley bow tie on the wrinkled shirt?
Joakim revealed that he uses Bumble and Bumble shampoo. I suggest that he try the conditioner.
At first, I liked this look. In part, I was relieved that he didn't show up in cargo shorts and Tevas. Otherwise, I generally appreciate fashion risk. This look amused me at 7:00. I'm over it now.
8:19 The first vest of the night! Brandan Wright is wearing a gray suit with stripes. With said vest. And with a lavender shirt and striped tie. His suit hangs well although he is very, very tall. He looks awesome. "I don't think Jordan wants any right now." He's right. Jordan's known for his clothes, but Brandon's lookin' real good right now.
-1 for braces.
8:12 Corey Brewer is wearing a mud colored suit with white pinstripes. He has on a orange sherbert colored shirt and pocket square with a wide striped brown and orange tie. Looks good, not great.
Mom dukes broke the white suit trend. She has started the harsh blond dye job trend though. And the heavy blush trend. We'll see how this develops.
8:06 I thought they were stalling until the next pick, but Stu is interviewing Yi. Yi tolerates Stu very well. Mike says, "He has been Americanized." Not until he does an interview with Stephen A.
8:04 Yi Jianlian goes very basic. Black suit with blue tie. His mom has very stern bangs. Yi and his party looks very People's Republic. No frills.
Mike Tirico has pronounced his name 1000 different ways.
7:58 Jeff Green goes earlier than expected at #5. He gets to join Durant in Seattle if the trade goes through. Lucky bastard. Jeff won my "pregame" fashion handicap. He went a little conservative, but looks great. The Burberry tie is a little obvious, but I like that he went with a wide lapel. Georgetown has a tradition of great NBA dressers (see Alonzo and Dikembe). Jeff does not disappoint.
Jeff's mom ALSO wore a white suit. So far she is ranked 3rd out of the 3 moms wearing white suits.
7:53 Mike Conley is wearing a tan suit with white pinstripes. He has a seafoam green striped shirt with a paisley tie. This is a little busy to say the least. But the pastel colors make it easy to look at. At least he took a chance. I might have liked this more if his jacket was more fitted. At least he took a chance.
7:48 Perfection has just been drafted. Al Horford is wearing a black suit, but it is a beautiful black suit. Wonderful fabric with a white satin tie and a white shirt. Al Horford looks outstanding. Too bad he had to match that suit to a Hawks hat.
And, speaking of the Hawks.. You may wonder what this pick means to the Hawks? Should we have picked Conley or Yi? Guess what? It doesn't matter who the Hawks pick. We're still going to suck. Al, I'm sorry. And I apologize to you on behalf of the city of Atlanta.
7:44 The downside of wearing orange and salmon is trying to match it to a green and yellow Seattle hat.
7:42 Kevin Durant up next. His suit appears to be black. He has a orange tie on a salmon shirt. Orange pocket square. Nice nod to Texas. His suit fits his slim build. Looks good, but not knocking it out the park.
His mom is also wearing a white suit, but short-sleeved. Also looks cute. But she's wearing pearls. Advantage to pearls.
7:40 Stu accuses Greg of being nervous, but Oden admits to using hand sanitizer. Protecting the commissioner already. No wonder they call him a character guy.
7:35 Greg Oden is the number one pick. This is not surprising and neither is his suit. I know it's hard to find something to go with furrowed brow though. He is wearing a pinstriped suit with a paisley tie. Blue suit with seafoam green pinstripes, with the paisley tie picking up those colors. No attempt to match Portland colors. I was hoping he would make a bolder choice given that he wore a baby blue suit for his draft portrait.
Moms is wearing white pants suit. Looks cute.
7:30 Stern is on. He's wearing his standard issue. Nothing special.
7:29 Fran Fraschilla appears smugly sporting his thick black pomaded hair.
7:25 Jim Gray appeared remotely wearing a burgundy tie, with a burgundy and gray striped shirt. So far, he's been the most adventurous male analyst. And I'm not just saying that because I wish TNT was covering the draft too.
7:22 So far, the ESPN analysts have all chosen to dress for a funeral, not a draft. Everyone is wearing dark colors, either black or navy blue. Even Stephen A, who wore a lavender jacket on the air mere days ago. Tirico has gone with subtle pinstripes. Mark Jackson with bold pinstripes. I am overwhelmed by the fashion risks the crew has taken.
7:20 Joakim calls his outfit "funky". He claims he is representing for New York. Actually, seersucker would be representing for the south. His hair is getting frizzier by the second.
7:19 After a "lean wit it, rock wit it" segway, Lisa Salters is wearing a gold satin safari jacket and I think she's gotten highlights. I'll have to see her standing up before I make a final judgment on the outfit.
7:16 Kevin Durant's momma just wiped the crust from his mouth. Emasculating or just a good assist?
7:10 Mike Tirico has already corrected someone on their Chinese pronunciation. It's EE. Not YEE. And, yes, Stephen. A. has already yelled at somebody.
7:01 ESPN has flashed the major draftees. But I'll save the individual draftee commentary for when they cross the stage. Joakim does look crispy.
7:00 Hi, everybody. It's me, The Head Chick in Charge from Leave the Man Alone. No mock drafts or scouting reports here. No, not even the detailed, in-depth analysis you've come to expect from Dan. We're just going to talk about what people are wearing, crack jokes and have fun. Hopefully, I'll get to talk about somebody's momma.
Please have fun in the comments and you can contribute directly to the snark at firstname.lastname@example.org