Friday, August 10, 2007

Friday 08/10 A.M. Quickie:
Ankiel, Daly, Beckham, C. Johnson, More!

Today's Names to Know: Ankiel! Daly! Beckham! Calvin Johnson! Matt Murphy! Penny! Pac-Man! Cozad! Mamet! Galactus! And More!

MLB Stud: Rick Ankiel, who would have earned this spot for nothing else than his call-up. The 3-run HR he hit yesterday was just icing – today, he could be the most unconditionally liked player in baseball (the anti-Bonds, if you will).

The Hall of Fame should collect his bat from last night, if only to have an exhibition on "Perseverence." If that homer was the climax of his comeback, what can he possibly do for an encore? (Wear that Ankiel jersey proudly today, Mr. Leitch.)

PGA Championship: John Daly Mania! This might not last longer than this morning, but isn't Daly's performance the most interesting thing to happen to golf all year?

Beckham Watch: He finally played, and I actually kept the game on the screen to see it. What I should have done was turn down the volume on the insipid Beckham licking coming from the TV commentators. He had my attention, but didn't do much once he had it.

Lions 27, Bengals 26: Calvin Johnson is going to be VERY good. How soon before we can refer to him simply as "Calvin" and everyone will know who we're talking about?

(Here's hoping Bengals rookie RB Kenny Irons' knee injury isn't serious.)

Cowboys 23, Colts 10: Tony Romo went 10/11 for 93 yards, in a preview of new offensive coordinator (and presumptive head-coach-in-waiting) Jason Garrett's playbook.

Bonds Watch: His batting helmets for 755 and 756 are going to Cooperstown. I like that the Hall of Fame doesn't trouble itself with Selig-style waffling or pandering.

Meanwhile, I truly hope that Matt Murphy doesn't sell the Bonds ball. What a display of sincerity around a subject otherwise marked by deception and bad feelings.

Penny Hardaway signs with the Heat: I guess we should all be thankful he didn't do the obvious thing and join the bandwagon of former stars lining up to play in Boston.

(Is Allan Houston going to have a comeback, too? Hey: Just because he has the exact same game as Reggie Miller and Ray Allen shouldn't stop him from joining the Celtics, too.)

Pac-Man Fever: Anyone catch Pac-Man Jones on the TNA show last night? Somehow, I don't think he can claim "misunderstood."

MLB Dud: The Tigers, who lost a second straight home game to the Devil Rays. Detroit has lost 6 of 8 and seems to be fumbling its way out of the playoff chase.

Backup punter guilty of assault: Mitch Cozad convicted in what was without question the weirdest sports crime of the last year.

NFL This Weekend:
Falcons-Jets: Life without Vick
Pats-Bucs: Watch those NE WRs
Bills-Saints: Eyes on Bush
Rams-Vikings: Minnesota RBs
Jags-Dolphins: How many Leftwich snaps?
Packers-Steelers: Has Favre retired yet?
Chiefs-Browns: Will we see Brady Quinn?
Bears-Texans: Eye on Matt Schaub
Redskins-Titans: Vince Young Mania
Panthers-Giants: Meh.
Cards-Raiders: Russell the new Leinart?
Seahawks-Chargers: Alexander vs. LT (in theory)

CFB: NCAA upholds ban on coaches text-messaging recruits. Way to keep it Web 1.0, NCAA.

Oregon vs. Boise St in China: If Oregon wants Boise St to play them in China, why are the Ducks asking the Broncos to give up the home game? Why doesn't Oregon volunteer to give up THEIR home game?

Mamet to do UFC movie: I can... What, goddammit?... I can think of... Fucking cripes: Think of what?... Hey, wait... Oh, fuck off. Just spit it out... I'm not sure I want to anymore... Oh, what the fuck: Are you some kind of pansy?... Now see here... Christamighty: I'll say it. I can't think of a better fucking person to do a movie about UFC than David Mamet.

Must-Read: If you haven't read EDSBS' parody of "Who's Now: Tom Brady vs. Galactus," you are missing out on the funniest blog post of the month.

Question of the Day: Did Derek Jeter really give Jessica Alba herpes? If Derek Jeter has herpes, that would be even more epic than Michael Vick having herpes.

-- D.S.


futurelegendvinceyoung said...

That is hilarious if Jeter gave the hottest woman on the planet herpes. What would be even funnier is if Brady Quinn gave some girl crabs. What a way to go into the weekend.

CMFost said...

Ok, I know that Ankiel has made a nice comeback and the HR was nice but he can not be considered a stud based on the 3K's before it.

Matt T said...

I did watch Pac Man on TNA last night.

It was just a teaser promo, for the PPV. I'd be willing to bet ratings for TNA last night were higher than ever.

Stud: Willie F'n Harris! 2 jumping catches, including one to save a 1 run game.

Luke Bell said...

I heard that Jessica Alba is now dating Dane Cook, who was paired with her for some upcoming movie. If THAT is true, then Jessica Alba's hotness just went down the toilet for me. That is a primo candidate for the

BLT said...

Jessica Alba can give me herpes

futurelegendvinceyoung said...

I agree with you Luke if she is dating that dumb fuck. What a waste because Dane Cook fucking sucks.

futurelegendvinceyoung said...

Here is the link to watch the PGA Championship.

Unknown said...

Jeter is a manwhore. This has been known for years. If a woman decides to sleep with him without getting him checked out..well.. STUPID.

chitown italian said...

Jessica Alba with herpes? She's damaged goods now.

TBender said...

Ankiel had 2 K's and a popup, in 3 very anxious AB's, per a friend of mine who was at the game.

It's called nerves. The last time he was in a ML uniform he was on the verge of a complete mental breakdown.

Cardinal nation experienced some major closure last night. Just based on his situation, any positive performance is a great thing.

Welcome back, Rick.

TBender said...

Oh, and even more interesting is HOW the Cards made room for Ankiel on the roster:

Speizio to the Restricted List, so he can seek treatment for alcohol and drug abuse.

Ftrain said...

Can someone pick up where Dan failed? Can someone post a link to this herpes and derek jeter story.

I'm well verse in nyc gossip but i never heard of this "story".

Luke Bell said...

Indeed. If given the choice between nailing Jessica Alba (sans herpes) or beating the life out of Dane Cook, I think I would choose the latter. It would be a tough call either way.

Brian in Oxford said...

I watched the Mets game on my computer. The first catch by Harris was definitely still in the park, and I think, based on the side view from left field, that the second one wasn't going out either. Not to say they weren't great catches, but not exactly Endy Chavez-level great!

Good to see Ankiel not wearing 66, either.

I can't wait for Daly to shoot 79 today or something. Why is this guy a crowd favorite? Because he's a fat drunken chain-smoking slob? Those are the people I get away from at sporting events, sheesh....

TBender said...

The HoF get the memorabilia and now can spin it one of two ways:
1. Bonds as HR King
2. Bonds as poster boy of steroids
They don't have to waffle, they just get the items...

UO not giving up there game is status quo for the big conferences. BSU should make them add an extra game in Boise to their contract.

Mega said...

Just a note, if Murphy keeps the Bonds HR ball, he'll have to pay taxes on its value.

Welcome to America, land of the tax!

ToddTheJackass said...

Studs and Duds from yesterday:

1. Carl Crawford - 3/4, HR, 2 2B, 2RBI, 3R, BB, SB
2. Scott Kazmir - W, 6.0IP, 0ER, 3H, 7K, BB
3. Joel Pineiro - W, 7.0IP, 0ER, 4H, 4K
4. Kyle Davies - W, 6.2IP, 0ER, 3H, 5K, 2BB
5. Jacque Jones - 4/5, 2B, 4RBI

1. Ubaldo Jimenez - L, 2.0IP, 5ER, 9R, 9H, 2K, BB
2. Daniel Cabrera - L, 5.1IP, 7ER, 8R, 8H, 4K, BB
3. Jeremy Bonderman - L, 6.0IP, 7ER, 10H, 4K, 3BB
4. Michael Cuddyer - 0/4, 4K, 3LOB
5. Brett Myers - L, 1.0IP, 2ER, 2H, BB

Honorary Stud: Rick Ankiel

Honorary Dud: Herpes

ndyanksfan05 said...

They should try and find the helmet from bonds first home run and then put it inside the one from this week...

Gary said...

I for one welcome the Herpes to Jessica Alba. It makes my personal chances to get with her go from "Insurmountable" to "Never in a million years"

I like my odds

Unknown said...

Aren't the Heat and Magic supposed to kind of be rivals? Isn't this slightly akward for Magic fans? Isn't this like Shaq and Kobe reuniting to play for the Clippers? Or Patrick Ewing and John Starks reuniting on the Nets? I used to love the Shaq/Penny/Nick/Horace/Brian/Dennis teams. They were awesome. I hope Penny starts doing "Lil' Penny" commecials again now. That would be hilarious.

ToddTheJackass said...

Gary, "So there's a chance"

CMFost said...

Brian go watch Sportcenter the second catch by Harris was a Home Run Saver you can clearly see it. The First one probably was not going to be a HR but the second was.

CMFost said...

if I was the Celtics I would prefer to have Penny over Reggir, The Celtics need someone who can back up at PG more then they need another shooter.

CMFost said...

Todd and Gary - 4 Words for you - NO CHANCE IN HELL!!!!!

slaskaris said...

I thought Jeter was hookin up w/ Jessica Biel not Jessica Alba?!?

Boomhauertjs said...

"ndyanksfan05 said...
They should try and find the helmet from bonds first home run and then put it inside the one from this week... "

Beat me to that line.

chipp said...

Piniero: AL Bullpen bust becomes NL Power Starter. One more example that generally the NL is weaker (although the top couple of teams in both leagues are nearly equivalent).

Boomhauertjs said...

Got an idea for the next ESPN special segment.

Who's the bigger manwhore?

#1 Seeds-Derek Jeter, Tom Brady, Shawn Kemp, Wilt Chamberlin

Jingoist said...

Maybe it should not be an MLB "Stud" per se, but you got to give some credit to Scot Spiezio for recognizing he has a substance abuse problem and is trying to deal with it the right way

Gary said...

I wasn't saying I had any semblance of a chance, I'm just saying my chanced slightly improved with her now "tainted" status.

Obviously, I'd happily contract herpes from her, but I'm afraid that is also the sentiment of basically every other man on this planet

PatriotsNation said...

"Alas, it seems Ms. Alba has actually been hired for "The Love Guru," a movie that will introduce the next Mike Myers character that your annoying friends will quote incessantly. According to Michael Fleming in Variety, Myers has tapped Alba (he should be so lucky), "Blades of Glory" actor Romany Malco and his "Austin Powers" buddy Verne Troyer as his co-stars for a film set to be released in June 2008:
In his first new character creation since Austin Powers, Myers plays Pitka, an American who was left at the gates of an ashram in India as a child and raised by gurus. After moving back to the U.S., he attempts to settle a rift between a hockey player (Malco) and his wife, who begins scoring with the star player of a rival team. Alba plays the hockey team owner and Troyer the team coach. Pitka's job is to check that illicit romance and reunite the couple so the star player can lead his team to the championship.
Mini-Me as a hockey coach? Suddenly, Jessica Alba as a team owner isn't the biggest suspension of disbelief in the film anymore."

Unknown said...

Tell me somebody else saw the ridiculous Little League game last night. That game was crazy. Look at this boxscore...

ToddTheJackass said...

CM, I was making a Dumb and Dumber reference... come on man.

And actually, Alba is getting a little too skinny these days. I liked her better when she wasn't a complete twig.

CMFost said...

Guy all this Little League talk from you is a little scary.

PatriotsNation said...

Guy, Is your favourite movie The Bad New Bears??

Unknown said...

I can't believe you're not excited about the Panthers-Giants game - this will be the most we get to see all season of the man they call...
The Pillsbury Throw-Boy
The Hefty Lefty
The Round Mound of Touchdown

Jared Lorenzen!

Ok, so I'm a UK fan who's pumped to see him doing all right for himself. But you have to admit he's a helluva lot of fun to watch.

Ftrain said...


AKA Fat Quarterback to my friends and I

truly a sight to behold.

Gary said...

Who would have guessed that Jared Lorenzen would be a bigger professional success than Tim Couch. Funny how things work out

futurelegendvinceyoung said...

Guy your love of Little League is truly creepy. Are you really Quintana from the Big Lebowski.

Unknown said...

The LLWS is so much fun. Baseball at it's purest. Plus great weird rules like "Special Pinch Runner". And as I said last night...

As I said, all of this is inpreperation of an extremely fun trip to Williamsport, PA for 4 games that me and my friends take every summer. It is a great trip.

For the record, it's not like I knew all of this stuff before. All of it was taken from the official LLWS website and one article that came up easily on google.

I have an arrangement with the 3 other guys that go every year. I take care of the scouting (although they also watch the games on TV before we go), another guy takes care of the food (helped by the fact that his dad ownes a meat company), another guy drives and takes care of the gas, and the last guy arranges the hotels and some other stuff.

Tell me I don't have the best job.

futurelegendvinceyoung said...

I am sure Williamsport is a fun place to watch baseball but I think we are more curious about your fascination with the LLWS and how it came about.

CMFost said...

Guy are you a member of NAMBLA?


marcomarco said...

Guy, might want to be careful going to the LLWS chatrooms to find your stats.

Say hi to Chris Hansen when you meet him.

Darklawdog said...

Ok the real question isn't, "Did Jeeter give Alba herpes?", but rather, "Why the fuck is smoking hot Alba with that fucking d-bag jeeter?"

Kurt said...

Purest? Weird rules? Scouting out children as a job?

What does your wife, mother, therapist think about this yearly event?

ndyanksfan05 said...

As a G-men fan I love Lorenzen...even though he is only used on fourth an inches plays where we need a QB sneak, it always hilarious to see him waddle out on the field. I am waiting for the fake fourth and inches push and watch him hit a streaking WR for a TD. Its going to happen, Coughlin just needs to time it just right.

Kurt said...

This is where Dan got the Jeter/Alba herpes story from.

Doesn't look too credible, it's from a gossip magazine in LA.

Unknown said...

I'm taking so much crap right now that I might as well change my name to verbalinthecorner.

There are no chatrooms or anything like that. You can easily find the stats at and it's not hard at all. It's not like this takes hours or something.

Jen said...

todd~ I totally got your Dumb and Dumber reference, but didn't get to comment on it until just now!!

Ugh, if Jeter has herpes and is sharing the wealth, it just makes me dislike him even more. He's not even that good-looking. I'd take A-Rod in a heartbeat, if he wasn't a Yank-me.

Just a girl's perspective on that rumor haha

Ken Dynamo said...

hey dan - i know this is 2 days late but i just read your thots on costas reaction to bonds and you couldnt be more right. costas is a dickhead. he really sucks and i hope the entire world now ignores him, at the very least his miserable ideas about baseball and about how its 'supposed' to be played. seriously, what an ass that guy.

Unknown said...

I guess my therapist would say that going to the LLWS is somehow connected to the fact that I would have gone as a kid as a player had I not shredded a tendon in my shoulder throwing a fastball the season I was 12.

ToddTheJackass said...

Hmmm... sorry dude. That does suck. Maybe we'll take it a bit easier on you. The LLWS does sound like a lot of fun though, and it's kind of funny how serious you guys seem to take it.

I've heard Omaha for the CWS is also awesome at Rosenblatt. I'm hoping to make a trek out there at some point. How far is Omaha from KC?

pv845 said...

On the Jeter thing, I know that I am imitating another illustrious commenter, but does the Herpes thing make Jeter more Now?

If not on ESPN, maybe for Trojan?

futurelegendvinceyoung said...

Omaha from KC is only a few hours. The CWS is awesome when I was in school at Nebraska I went to Rosenblatt a couple of times.

Brian in Oxford said...

The thing is, the baseball *might* be sorta pure (except for the "everyone must play 2 innings and bat once rule....I used to pray that only 9 people on my team would actually show up on any one night)....but with ESPN making it an annual hoo-hah, we just KNOW that won't last much longer....obvious signs of erosion yet?

jhawkjjm said...

KC to Omaha is roughly 3 hours, very very boring drive because there's basically nothing between the two cities.

Over the years my enjoyment of the LLWS has dropped. A bunch of these kids are my size or bigger (5'9") and are supposedly only 12. They've outgrown the size of the diamond and it's ruined the game in my opinion.

And the prude in me wonders how these coaches let 12 year olds go out there throwing curveball after curveball after curveball shredding their elbows.

ToddTheJackass said...

Or it might be pure if so many teams didn't cheat and have 16 year old kids. Don't they know that's way too old for Guy's tastes? Okay... we're done with that.

Also, the ESPN coverage hasn't been the same without Harold Reynolds.

Unknown said...

Well, the mandatory play rule is one plate appearence and 3 defensive outs.

They have long had the mercy rule of if a team leads by 10 runs at the end of 4 or 5 innings the game is over.

The "Special Pinch Runner" Rule is that you can pinch run for a guy but don't have to take him out of the game. But you can only do it once an inning, and only once for the same player, and only once with the same player, and it doesn't count towards the runner's mandatory play. The runner also must not be currently in the game.

The new rule this year is pitch count limits. If you pitch less than 20 pitches nothing happens. If you pitch between 20-45 then you can't pitch for 1 calendar day. If you pitch more than 45 you have to sit out 2 calendar days. And a pitcher can't pitch more than 85 pitches in 1 game although he is aloud to finish the batter he is pitching to. Pitches thrown during intentional walks do not count as pitches.

You can't leave a base to steal untill the ball has crossed home plate and the game lasts 6 innings.

Other than that, all the rules are the same.

David Kippe said...

if the jeter story pops up on TMZ, then i am running with it being legit. it is a pretty reliable source.

Darklawdog said...


Being a former pitcher, a curveball thrown the correct way does not affect the arm any moreso than a fastball. It is the exact same motion. The difference is in the wrist. If done correctly no damage should be done that is out of the norm from a normal throwing motion.

The problem is that kids are taught to snap the wrist/elbow in an effort to put more spin on the ball. This turns the pitch more into a slider than a curveball.

Darklawdog said...

Kenny Irons tore is damn ACL.

The Bengals just can't seem to catch a break in the running back injury department.

thistlewarrior said...

Hey Guy, don't feel so bad. I really like the LLWS too. For me it started when my parents and I stopped in Williamsport to visit the LLHOF on a vacation when I was about 6 or 7 years old. Then in '91 and '93 teams from our city (Hamilton, OH) went to the WS, so it became a pretty big deal and I've watched it every year ever since (but I've never been to the series).

Anyways, everyone is pretty exited again this year in Hamilton because the team is in the regional finals tomorrow night.

thistlewarrior said...


Damn it, damn it, DAMN IT!

willie_dixon said...

I cant believe irons is out for the year, chris perry is out for half the season as well, and we all know about chris henry. good thing the bengals are loaded on offense.

i was watching the lions-bengals game last night and saw calvin johnson almost roll his knee very awkwardly while run blocking in 3rd quarter, i cant believe they would even let him block in a preseason game.

Unknown said...

thistle warrior-

I'd say your hometown is the favorite against Indiana. They beat them 2-0 the first time and Ohio has won all 5 of their games by a combined score of 53-11 while Indiana has gone 3-2 with a total score of 31-15.

I don't like how in that region they have 6 teams but you only play 4 first round games though. That seems stupid. Ohio missed playing the only other good team (Illinios) and Indiana missed playing the worst team (Wisconsin). That just doesn't seem fair.

thistlewarrior said...

Hey, as long as it favors Ham. I'm OK w/it ;)

MECU said...

Why doesn't Oregon volunteer to give up THEIR home game?

Because Oregon has permission to play in China in 2009 (Aug 27, 28 or 29) which is the Boise St home game. Boise St has already said if they take it, they want another home game from Oregon another season so they don't lose a home game.

Anonymous said...

What a total tool Pat Forde is from has FSU, NC State finishing one,and two not doing any research in his chat.How does he still have a job?

chitown italian said...

Harold Reynolds is much better than Steve "DoucheNozzle" Phillips any day of the week. How was that guy a GM anyway? It's a shame that an out of office hug got Reynolds fired.

@ lawdog - You are absolutely correct (not a former pitcher but I do not the inner workings of baseball) that a curveball thrown the correct way does absolutely no more damage than any other pitch. Pitching is something that is not a natural motion and can lead to injury no matter what pitch is thrown.

The LLWS used to be great but when the 12 year olds are bigger than some MLB players (Eckstein for example) the game just isn't that great anymore.

Darklawdog said...

I don't think it was the 12 year olds that are bigger, but the illebgal 14/15 year olds on the team. Danny Almonte anyone?

Unknown said...

lawdogg, chitown-

Since the Danny Almonte debacle they are really hardcore about birth certificates. If there is any doubt they do an in depth investigation and if they still can't figure it out they make the kid inelligible.

Last year though, I have to say that when I stood near Aaron Durley who was 6"8, 256 pounds, size 19 shoe, at just over 13 years old I was shocked.

What's weird is that there was no dispute over his birth because he was born in Houston and his certificate was on file.

Brian in Oxford said...

They really should just have SIZE requirements instead of AGE requirements. Let the 4-8 to 5-2 crowd play among themselves.....5-2 to 5-8....and then anything over 5-8?

Unknown said...


That would never happen. Besides, it's not like Aaron Durley was any better than other kids. He wasn't the best hitter, fielder, or anything else on their team. He was too slow in the field but had an OK glove at 1st base. But if you've ever watched the LLWS you know that the pitching is what wins games. Pitchers killed him because his strikezone was roughly the size of the entire state that Williamsport resides in. It's not like he had any advantages.