Thursday, October 12, 2006

NFL Power Rankings

I think the phrase "Power Rankings" is so freaking cliched. So I'm taking nominations for a new name for weekly NFL rankings, ideally a little more ironic or clever. It can be a play on "Power," but it could also be something else. Put them in the Comments section, along with your usual mockery/ridicule of my latest rankings:

1. Bears
2. Chargers
3. Colts
4. Pats
5. Bengals

6. Eagles
7. Broncos
8. Ravens
9. Seahawks
10. Falcons
11. Rams
12. Jags
13. Saints
14. Panthers
15. Vikings
16. Giants
17. Cowboys
18. Steelers
19. Redskins
20. Chiefs
21. Bills
22. Jets
23. 49ers
24. Texans
25. Dolphins
26. Cards
27. Packers
28. Browns
29. Bucs
30. Lions
31. Titans
32. Raiders

Comments Debate: Everyone seems to agree that the Bears are No. 1. So: Who is your No. 2 (and why)?


Aly said...

Broncos are the second best team in the league. They have a great defense, a great coach, a decent qb, a good running game, a great o line, and decent wrs including offseason aquisition Javon Walker. I mean the Chargers are good, but Mike Shanahan can outcoach Marty anyday.

Brian in Oxford said...

You forgot the Broncos, Dan....they mailed it in against St. Louis in week one, but have dominated since. (including the Pats, unfortunately).

It may sound a little CFB, but who have the Colts beaten, exactly?

Jason said...

I agree that "Power Rankings" are cliched. I'd go with "Filler for a Slow News Day." It's stupid to rank professional teams week in and week out because there's always something wrong with the rankings and they usually don't objectively capture the pulse of the league. Especially after five weeks; how can you compare teams to each other when many have only played four games?

Richard said...

I'd give the Eagles some consideration in the #2 spot since they'd be my #1 if they hadn't choked against the Giants. Offens and defence look great. But since they DID choke against NYG....

Right now I'd give it to the Colts as the only other undefeated team. Although their defense is putting them on thin ice.

zach said...

the chargers have played the raiders(32), titans (31), bmore(8)a loss, and steelers (18) and they are ranked number 2? can i have some of what you and chris henry have been smoking? the broncos your 7 team has played and beaten bmore (8) pats (4) KC (20) and lost to the rams (11). typical east cost bias my friend, but i guess you didnt stay up late to watch the denver D destroy the pats and ravens?

Steve said...

Zach, since when is San Diego on the east coast?

Deathwatch Conundrum said...

If the nothing else the Broncos should be ahead of the Patriots

Lenny said...

zach, you are an idiot. east coast bias when he's touting a team that's farther west than denver?? look at a frickin map retard!

BLUE said...

Maybe he just has a coast bias, teams closer to the coast, although then that leaves out Chicago. I'm so confused. Maybe we should have a playoff system to sort all of this out at the end of the season.

Drucifer said...

How about A.S.S. Rankings (for Argument Starting Scenario)....

My top 10:
San Diego
New England
New Orleans
St. Louis

BLUE said...

I am a broncos fan, and I agree with the #7 ranking. I don't care who they've beat, or who they have on their team, the bottom line is can anyone imagine Jake Plummer holding up the Lombardi trophy...anyone...anyone...bueller.And I'm a Jake fan.

kirby077 said...

Why is everyone so high on the Eagles? Let's see, they have beaten the Texans, Niners, Packers and the Cowboys and lost to the Giants. The only legitimate win there is the Cowboys one. And if the Cowboys (specifically Bledsoe) didn't play one of the sloppiest games I have ever seen, they could have won and almost did.

Brian in Oxford said...

time for freky j
to break out the ladder rankings, then.

Jo Fer said...


No argument from me, rank looks good. I'd have it exactly the same, except drop Philly to below New England.

William Joseph said...

I haven't given this all that much though, but at first glance, drucifer's rankings of the top 10 seem pretty much right on.

William Joseph said...

Oh, and I also agree with the A.S.S. name

William Joseph said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
William Joseph said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Drucifer said...

I'll admit I might have Philly a little higher than they could/should be....Donovan McNabb is a big part of the reason I'm decimating opponents in my fantasy league. They are playing good team football, though, and if Westbrook is healthy they're a tough team to beat.

The only good thing about being a Packers fan this year is I have no trouble ranking the top 10 teams objectively. Man, we stink. I was glad to see Ahmad Carroll go to Jacksonville, though. If I were them, I'd get used to opponents drives being extended by illegal contact or pass interference penalties.

Christian Thoma said...


Never surrender. #27 Packers play #26 after the bye and then #25. The Packers will earn their way higher.

(Heck, beat the Bills after that, and the Pack are 4-4)

zach said...

sorry no coffee this morning guess the east cost thing was more about the pats being ahead of the broncos not the chargers. the fact remains the colts and chargers have played and beat crap teams, while the broncos have played and dominated (on defense) some of the best teams.

CorrND said...

I think you have to go with the Colts at #2. They're not playing all that well and they're still undefeated. How can you argue with results?

Christian Thoma said...

Whoops, it's #25 then #26. Point is still legit.

Matt said...

PHI, SD, and BAL all have had pretty easy schedules so far. JAC has played a pretty brutal schedule and with a break or two against IND could be 4-1, so I'd give them consideration. For now, I'd have to go with DEN. They're D looks legit and I expect their O to get back to average. If they can get home field, they'll be tough to beat (even after last year's debacle in the AFC championship game).

Anonymous said...

The only rankings I really disagree with are the Broncos (too low) and the Jags (too low, for now). I don't even know if it's worth stating why, although the Broncos did spank the Pats, and Plummer be damned, that defense has a better chance of bailing him out week in and week out than say, oh the Ravens bailing out McNair.

But hey, if anyone wants to put my Bengals up that high, it's okay with me.

#2? Until the Colts lose, I can't see how you place any team with a loss over an UNDEFEATED team. How would people take it right now if Notre Dame was still ranked 2nd in the college polls. Just saying.

Tim said...

The Colts have to be #2. Even if they haven't played that well, they are still 5-0 and only one other team can claim that. They are doing what they have to do to win. And you know Dungy will have the defense together by the end of the season. They arent that far off, they just need to learn how to takle...thats all.

Geoff-Detroit said...

How about "Shanoff's Arbitrary NFL Rankings"

TJ said...

I like that little double-space bump you put between 5 and 6, but I think you missed the oppurtunity to put a triple/quadruple space between 31 and 32. Without it, I think you are completely overrating the Raiders. I'm about 99% serious right now--I mean it. They suck to a level that is just... well, it's impressive.

Manada said...

I say Chargers...just because they got them sweet ass powder blues.

Call it: The DS/BS Rankings

Mega said...

"Shanoff Selections"

"Week (#) Ladder"

"Rankings Quickie"

"Dan 'He Hate Me' Shanoffs Picks"
(I think Shanoff should be the new He Hate Me- LMAO)

I agree with the rankings for the most part. Bears are #1, thats all I care about.

J-P said...

Titans after the packers? At least the titans are showing signs of life and VY has a pulse. The same cannot be said about Favre.

Then again, at that level, does it really matter?

buaidhnobas24 said...

As for the name, how about "Rankings"? Because Power Rankings makes it seem there's an added formulation that got you to your ranked teams. So, with out the "Power" feature, what would your rankings be? This is obviously a term coined by a reporter who wanted to give it that extra "ummpphh". Whoever he was, is a genuine hack. Seriously, once "Power Rankings" becomes as anemic a term as "Rankings", what will the moniker be? I nominate "Super Jacked-Up Mutha-Fuckin Rankings".

CMFost said...

#2 - would be the broncos other then week one they have beaten the Ravens, Chiefs and Patriots pretty tough schedule and a good team.

#3 - Philly - hte offense is clicking the defense is good and they would be #1 or 2 if not for the meltdown against the Giants

#4 - Patriots - Just when you count them out they get better. They will be the #1 when the season ends. They are good now and 10 weeks from now Brady should be insync with his receivers.

Aitch said...

Here are my top 10 on the gridiron totem poll...

1. Da Bears. They have proven it on both sides of the ball. Combine that with their remaining schedule and it's hard to imagine any team knocking them from the top spot (no NFL team will ever be undefeated again.)

2. The Broncos Doing it almost entirely with the D. They had a lazy outing vs. the Rams, otherwise we'd be talking about them at 4-0

3. Chargers MartyBall is working. At 3-1 and having outscored opponents 103-36 thus far, they get the nod at 3

4. The Colts Yes they are undefeated, but they have looked shaky in at least 2 of their 5 wins. They should have demolished the Titans, and they didn't. They've scored 135 this season, but allowed 100. That should concern any Colts fan

5. The Pats Belichick once again has proven he is among if not the top coach in this game. The Pats blowout of the Bengals showed that no one schemes better on D than the Pats' coach. A few shaky games in the division lower them on my ranking however.

6. The Eagles McNabb is on the top of his game and Stollworth is probing to be the biggest offseason move in the league. They haven't had a very tough schedule, but have put most of their opponents away convincingly.

7. Ravens Again it's all about the D. The Ravens are playing with that same formula that won them the Superbowl in 2000. McNair has not looked spectacular, but has come through in the clutch when needed, loss vs. Denver not withstanding.

8. The Seahawks They are the only team in the league with a winning record despite being outscored this season, a result of the dismantling by the Bears. Otherwise, the bears have performed well and Deion Branch should start to make an impact as he has had more time to learn the system

9. The Bengals

10. The Saints Showing some love for AMerica's adopted team.

Go ahead everyone, rip me apart. lol

Ingrid and Jim said...

You have the Raiders WAY too high.

Richard said...


Wen I say that Undefeated temas should be ranked ahead oof 1 and 2 loss teams in College football rankings, I'm called an idiot.

But in pro football rankings, noone seems to think it's stupid to rank the Colts ahead of the Broncos, Chargers and Eagles who are all playing better. Bizarre

JeterIs#1 said...

My Bottom Five

32 Ohio State
33 Michigan
34 USC
35 Florida

Roge said...

Ummmm... Zumaya is out due to a "sore wrist". He's day-to-day.

How big of an impact does this have on the ALCS?

Anonymous said...

I think it would be cool if you'd invert the rankings, then call them the "Loser Rankings".

Just think of the momentary thrill all those guys in Oakland would get from seeing their name at the top of a list!

gvoll said...

Gotta be the Broncos (as much as it pains me as a Pats guy...). It's an easy chain: Colts BARELY beat the Jets and Titans, they don't count. I haven't seen the Chargers enough (east coast bias). The Pats hammered the Bengals. And the Broncos knocked up (yes I said it) the Pats and over the Ravens. Done and done. For now anwyay.

Anonymous said...

Dan you need to put up a college football thread so I can start bitching that ESPN is once again doing it all for the $$$$.

Just found out that Next week's OSU game will only be on ESPNU, with no local coverage. Great since the only way to get ESPNU in town is to own a dish!

Half-Man/All-Amazing said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Jingoist said...

S.C.H.M.U.C.K. Ratings


bryan said...

Dan, how about the "Week 5 Snapshot Rankings" or the "Week 5 Polaroid Poll". Either name comes from the fact that you know that "power rankings" are fluid things, you're just trying to capture each team's position in relation to each other at that given moment with respect to talent, injuries, momentum, and everything else that's a factor. -bryan

Half-Man/All-Amazing said...

What up Dan! Nice blog you got going here...

1) A.S.S. RANKINGS! - Definitely the best.

2)Now the Chargers, Ravens, Broncos are all somewhat even teams at this point of the season. Everyone says Chargers at #2, but they lost to Ravens, who somewhat got dominated by the Broncos, so it makes sense that Chargers should be lower than Broncos, right? Plus Indy hasnt lost yet! No matter how shaky they looked, they've yet to falter to any other opponent, unlike all the other NFL teams (minus Bears). All about the wins, baby. Colts #2, Broncos #3.

Anonymous said...

how about calling them "arbitrary listings that don't matter until the super bowl"?

if I had the time I might have tried to spell out A.L.L.B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. but that's a lot of time for a little laugh.

Horatio said...

Breaking news:

Associated Press (9/15/2006, 8:30 AM PST)

OAKLAND , (CA)--Oakland Raiders football practice was delayed nearly two
hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery
substance on the practice field. Head coach Art Shell immediately suspended
practice and called the police and federal investigators. After a complete
analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown
to Raider players was the GOAL LINE. Practice resumed after special agents decided
the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.


Not mine, I found it on best of craigslist just had to share

Anonymous said...

old joke. very old.

Steve said...

I think TMQ used it recently

Sam said...

No team is allowed to be ranked higher then a team that has beaten it, if that is possible. This means the Pats need to be ranked lower then the Broncos. The Pats got whupped at home on national TV, so that alone means they have no business being in the top 5.

Matt said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Matt said...

Based on the same criteria as my college football rankings, here's my NFL Power Rankings based on current Vegas odds to win the Super Bowl:

1) Bears, 2) Colts, 3) Patriots, 4) Bengals, 5) Broncos, 6) Chargers, 7) Ravens, 8) Eagles, 9) Panthers, 10) Seahawks, 11) Saints, 12) Falcons, 13) Giants, 14) Cowboys, 15) Jaguars, 16) Rams, 17) Steelers, 18) Redskins, 19) Vikings, 20) Chiefs, 21) Dolphins, 22) Bills, 23) 49ers, 24) Cardinals, 25) Jets, 26) Browns, 27) Texans, 28) Bucs, 29) Packers, 30) Lions, 31) Titans, 32) Raiders

Steve said...

Sam, based on that criteria then, the Rams would need to be above both the Patriots and Broncos. Sadly then the Cardinals would have to be above all of them. Sometimes fluky upsets happen.

Matt said...

No team is allowed to be ranked higher then a team that has beaten it, if that is possible.

It's not possible. By your logic, the Patriots have to be above the Bengals, the Broncos have to be above the Patriots, the Rams have to be above the Broncos, the 49ers have to be above the Rams and the Cardinals have to be above the 49ers.

So you're starting your power rankings with: Cardinals, 49ers, Rams, Broncos, Patriots, Bengals. In that order. Not gonna work.

big.aaron said...

How about calling them the Dan has his head lodged way up his ass rankings. Wow. I loved the quickie but I am quickly coming to know that this guy is out there. Go Broncos.

Generik said...

I can kind of understand how in college you can rank a team with a loss higher then an unranked team. No playoff format, different divisions, etc. The NFL isn't like that, and thus in the end, it comes down strictly to wins and loss for those tops teams. With that said the Colts HAVE to be #2. For the past couple weeks I have said the Bears are #1, and I see nothing in sight that will change that. But you can't rank a team with a 3-1 record in front of a 5-0 team. That is just ludicrous.

Fornelli said...

The Feats of Strength Poll?

Christian Thoma said...

How about the 'Momentum Rankings'? That way, people can't argue that an undefeated shouldn't be ranked below a defeated team, because you can easily say 'After taking care of Team Z, Team X has way more momentum than Team Y, despite the early season loss to Team A'

AkAggie said...

The NFL Weekly Ordinal Numbers. By definition Ordinal Numbers any of the numbers that express degree, quality, or position in a series. ANd yes I just spent 30 minutes looking through a math text from 6 years ago to find that definition.

Sean said...

NFL Instant History Ratings

Myles! said...

1. Bears
2. Eagles
3. Broncos
4. Colts
5. Patriots
6. Chargers

Say what you want about the Broncos, 13 ppg doesn't get you in the top 2. As for the Eagles, other than one choke job they've largely dominated superior competition. Good enough for me.

paul.j.stevens said...

Bronco's fans calm down. Your wins have been impressive. We will figure out who is better once the SDC and DB play. Denver's D? Phenomenal. But i will always have a problem ranking Den. in the top 5 as these should be teams that can win the super bowl. Denver people, i give you this sad truth, your quarterback is JAKE PLUMMER. Not going to work. One' hack's list:

1. Chicago - Is there a question?
2. Colts - winning ugly but schedule toughens up here quickly. kinda.
3. Atlanta - They only lost once in a game that looked as legit as the 72 Olympic Basketball final.
4. Bengals - Only loss in a wicked 4 game sched. was at home to the Pats after a huge win over biggest rival. understandable let down
5. Eagles - Would be undefeated if they remember you play for 60 mins not 50.
6. Denver - higher if not for loss to STL and PLUMMER as QB.
7. San Diego - w/ Brees higher. Rivers learning though
8. Baltimore - If they only had an offense (still)
9. Patriots - Shanoff phones for you.. its Bellicheck wants you to be the #2 WR. Thats the only glaring problem w/ this team
10. NYG - balance and a leader at QB no one wants to see them in the playoffs
11. Jacksonville - Injuries mounting for a strong team
12. Seattle - if Alexander is healthy...
13. STL - If he's not win the division
14. NO - riding a wave of emotion; very dangerous offensively; Could turn into a pumpkin at any point
15. Carolina - this team is just down right scary if healthy.
16. Minnesota - just do enough to win
17. Dallas - TO should blow up this team in t minus 5...4...3...
18. Kansas City - still figuring it out on O but winning w/ D
19. Washington - Talented team but wrong division/schedule?
20. Pittsburgh - Who are these guys? Did aliens abduct last years team?
21. Buffalo - Working along could challenge for playoffs next year
22. NYJ - tough team (sans JAX game) let down game after playing hard for every other game
23. Arizona - Man if they had a line.. or a defense...
24. SF - looking up...
25. Miami - oppsite of SF
26. Cleveland - tough out every week plays hard good weapons just not enough talent.. yet
28. Tampa Bay - so much little motivation
29. Houston - David Carr has learned to walk upright!
30. Detroit - they play hard!
31. Tennessee - Vince Young WR
32. Oakland - horrible. OSU is better

Eric in High Point,NC said...

They should be called "Most wins against week teams" Rankings.

John Paul Manahan said...

Chicago - the bears are the team to beat right now... they're mean, vicious... (in a non-haynesworth way)

Colts - you have to be concerned with how they have played recently.

Atlanta - how long will the option novelty last?

Bengals - defense is a major concern

Eagles - mcnabb as comeback player of the year?

Denver - plummer is the problem here.

San Diego - the powder blue... i am salivating at the prospect of the bears d vs the chargers d

Baltimore - makes you wonder why billick is an offensive genius in minny

Patriots - never doubt bellichick

NYG - eli is coming of age

Jacksonville - sleeper team. i love leftwich...

Seattle - victim of the madden curse, but a surplus of receivers... hmmm....

STL - might win the nfc west just yet

NO - the "wild card" as a team and reggie bush...

Carolina - the nfc's sexy pick is still in the picture... dangerous come december

Minnesota - childress "coach of the year"

Dallas - who won in the TO sweepstakes?

Kansas City - it's the other way around now...

Washington - when will Al Saunders strut his stuff?

Pittsburgh - all downhill since the motorcycle accident

Buffalo - this is for next year, this season is a bonus...

NYJ - if not mcnabb, chad p gets comeback nods (if he remains healthy)

Arizona - really needs OL help

SF - nolan has them in the right direction

Miami - their qb's are sending them on a tailspin

Cleveland - crennel is good. give them time

Green Bay - think post-bart starr pack...

Tampa Bay - gradkowski is the present and future for the bucs...

Houston - hard to believe that david carr's playing well this season...

Detroit - they work hard, they just have an idiot gm

Tennessee - forget this season... it's about VY and Lendale for the future

Oakland - ugh... *gives them the Art Shell face*

GoBuffs said...

How about "Power Outage Rankings", and go from 32 to 1?

mark said...

As a Colts fan, I've gotta say, this season so far has been like one of those weird rock formations out in Utah--you know, the ones that look like an enormous boulder perched on its pointy end, that look absolutely gravity-defying? The ones where you have no idea what in heaven's name is holding it up there and keeping it from tipping over all this time, and the whole time you're under it you're holding your breath that maybe it will pick this exact moment to decide it's tired of being perched there, and roll down and crush you like a bug? Yeah, that's the Colts this year.

They belong down at #4 or so. One of these days Manning, like the pointy end of the boulder, will not do quite enough, and the whole thing will come crashing down. And even though that hasn't happened yet, and may actually never happen this year, the mere fact that it even looks likely, a huge change from the last three years, means that the Colts are not the second-best team in the league right now.

Anonymous said...


where's my aluminium poll?

Eric Chase said...

Teams that suck, some that are ok and teams that kick ass!

Todd said...

Call the list the "NFL Impotency Ratings" Then you can list the teams in reverse order. It may actually make some Raiders fans happy to see their team #1 every week.