Thursday, October 05, 2006

Gossip! Eva Dumps TP for Slater

Yes, I'm late with this, but I had to comment on the rumor that Eva Longoria dumped Tony Parker for "Dancing with the Stars 3" star Mario Lopez.

How many ways might this hurt TP?

(1) Dumped by a hottie starlet? (Personally, I've always found Eva to be totally overrated. Sports fans inflated her hottie value because she was the hottest star to attend games or be seen on TV attending games. "Hot for an NBA Crowd" is a lower bar than, say, "Hollywood Hot.")

(2) Right before the season starts? (What's worse: This or the awful new basketball?)

(3) Dissed for AC Slater? (Sucks to be you when, on the social-climbing hierarchy, you were beneath a former teen actor-turned-reality-TV contestant... though DWTS gets a MUCH bigger TV audience than the NBA -- particularly when the Spurs are on.)

(Bonus) And, oh, by the way, apparently TP's been getting "Sloppy Seconds Slaters," if you know what I'm saying.

Meanwhile, it affirms what I've been saying all along:

There's something about the ballroom dancing, my friends. You joke about my coverage, but the massive TV audience (which absolutely blew out "Friday Night Lights") and this latest turn of events in the romantic life of Tony Parker make my point.

Meanwhile, if you want to get any, your time is better spent mastering that box-step than hitting the B-button playing Madden. As Tony Parker now knows...

-- D.S.

Update: Henry Abbott from fantastic True Hoop is owed a name-check and shout-out for being all over this earlier this summer. Screw Us Weekly; how about True Hoop Weekly morphing from NBA coverage to celebs?


Jon said...

Between AC Slater and Derek Jeter I think most of the female celebrities out there are sloppy seconds.

Brian in Oxford said...

How soon before Eva and AC are showing up in a Screech video.


I'm not proud of that one....

Unknown said...

I'm pretty sure AC is also banging his dance partner. There's a little TOO much chemistry there.

Josh said...

Why not? Zach spent all of his summers at dance camps, and his talent manifested itself as one half of the "Powerhouse Preppies".

They couldn't defeat "the Sprain" though.

Maher said...

the only thing this has any impact on is ABC's ability to shamelessly cross promote DH during NBA games. Oh darn.

personally I have always thought TP looks like he has a touch of Down's Syndrome and never understood the matchup...if she's so hardcore texas, shouldn't she be with matthew mcconaughey anyway? not some green card wielding baguette eater?

albatross said...

Well, it's said that Tony Parker is one quickest players in the league.

I guess Eva found that applies to both on and off the court.

Mega said...

No NBA coverage? So the WNBA can still be covered in the blog?

Sweet, we can still get updates on Latrell Spreewell.

Josh said...

The NBA is thinking of European expansion.

Now, which sport is the niche sport, exactly?

Josh said...

I'm from Pittsburgh, so maybe I'm biased (even though not a huge follower of hockey).

But is the team name "Pittsburgh Penguins" widely regarded as one of the worst in sports? If so, how? Or why?

Maher said...

ever seen a penguin in pitts? other than at the zoo?

Josh said...

Penguins like ice. The arena was nicknamed the "igloo", where Penguins live.

Have you ever seen a "Thrasher" in Atlanta? Or a "Blue Jacket" in Columbus? how about a "Wild" in Minnesota?

Jaguars, I think, aren't very common in jacksonville. Nor are buccaneers in Tampa. Bengals? Hardly in Cinci. And what the hell is a Bill, exactly?

Bulls in Chicago? Wizards? Bobcats?

C'mon, there are a ton of sports names that are like that.

LaziestMovieCriticofAllTime said...

Back in high school the hot-headed wrestling coach was also the driver education teacher. Whenever we wanted him to blowup in class, we just told him that AC Slater was a pretty good wrestler.

He would take that way too personally.

Jen said...

I know I am a female, so take this for what it's worth, but I too don't think Eva is anything special. I don't like her attitude and I don't like her pale lipstick that she always wears. My husband doesn't find her very attractive either and thinks she's full of herself.

How us Average Joe's know this, I have no idea! HAHA